When the shit hits the fan, Grace Pettis writes a song about it. There was likely more than enough of them to fill Pettis’ recent album Down to the Letter: a move from Austin to Nashville, the end of a marriage and the reclamation of self after betrayal, codependency, and loss. Pettis is an artist with vision, drive, and a mission to lift all of our experiences and create a more just world. In our interview, Pettis discusses how difficult it was to write an album on a topic that so many are familiar with, but very few seem to write about.
Explain the title of your album.
I called the record Down to the Letter, as in, “I said it exactly the way I meant to say it.” The album is a Dear John letter of sorts, and every Dear John letter is a last love letter, in a way. Letters are personal. They’re handwritten. They’re also one-way communication, unlike texts or phone calls, which have somebody on the other end, answering in real time. Letters can be answered, but they don’t expect to be, necessarily. The Dear John letter gets sent out, or left on a kitchen table. It’s a last word. If you put a letter in the mail, it means you know where somebody lives. Because you can’t send a letter without an address. The theme of letter writing showed up a lot in the songs on Down to the Letter. In “I Take Care of Me Now,” I say that I “write my own love letters.” “Vivian” is a song about and for Johnny Cash’s first wife, Vivian Liberto, whom he wrote close to 1000 love letters to before they were married. The song itself is one more love letter for Vivian. And “The Better and the Worst,” includes the title line: “Down to the letter, I meant every word, when I told you ‘I do.’ But you got the better of me. And I got the worst of you.”
Does your album have an overarching theme?
The record is broadly about loss and grief. More specifically, it’s a divorce record. I find it insane that, for a human experience as common and as deeply painful and life-changing as divorce is, it’s still not the subject of that many albums. Adele made a great one recently. And there are great breakup albums, but they’re often of the simplistic variety. People love a “key the car” Carrie Underwood-type breakup song. They love a “f-you” song. And they love songs about falling in love. But there’s not much in between; not much about or for the more complicated, more adult experiences of deeply loving people we need to let go of. Those cases where no one is a bad guy, necessarily, and things are just hard and complex don’t get as much attention in popular music. I didn’t want to simplify the feelings I was having or the path I was on, in processing my grief and moving on. I felt that I owed my former husband and the person I used to be in that marriage more than that kind of reductive thinking; I felt almost a moral obligation to be truthful, fair, and kind, in the midst of being as sad, disillusioned, angry, and assertive about it as I needed to be. So leaving space for that kind of grey was definitely a theme.
The record is also specifically about the experience of loving and losing someone with an addiction. The experience of loved ones of addicts (of all substances and behaviors) is not represented well or enough, in my opinion, in popular music. Like, when I was in the middle of the worst of my separation and divorce, I was desperate for songs that could help me make meaning out of the nuanced and many-faceted path I was on, and there wasn’t much available. So yeah- a lot of these songs were written from that need to make it all make some kind of sense. And on the other side of it now, I ironically feel like it makes even less sense, maybe. But I also know how ordinary my feelings are and that I’m not alone in it. My goal now is to help somebody else feel a little more validated and a little less alone, if I can. I might not be able to make divorce or addiction make sense, or tie all that up in a nice, meaningful bow, but I can sing about it. It’s helped me heal to be able to write these songs and to sing them and hopefully it helps somebody else when they hear them.
Do you have any songwriting tips you can share?
I love writing songs. And I’ve noticed that in the times in my life where I feel like I am growing and changing and embracing life, songwriting is as natural of a reflex as breathing. I wrote songs constantly as a kid and all through young adulthood. I didn’t have to schedule it in or force it; it just came, no matter what. There have been other seasons, though, more recently, where songwriting didn’t come easily, for whatever reason. Maybe it was because I was just busy with other things. Or maybe because I felt stuck, emotionally, or situationally, in my life, and I had some kind of a block because of that.
It’s no secret that intense human experiences, like falling in love and breaking up, yield some of the best songs. Maybe that’s part of why songwriters often gravitate toward those intense roller-coaster type relationships, and towards addictive substances. My friend Brian Pounds used to say- “When you’re happy, you don’t want to write about it. You just want to stay in that feeling of being happy. But when you’re sad, you want to write about it to process it.” I think that’s true. I think when life feels stable and not chaotic, we sometimes get lazy. I heard a songwriter say the other day that when there are bad presidents, the music gets better. And when there are good presidents, the songs get bad because the musicians get lazy. Maybe there’s some truth to that.
I think we need to feel alive to feel like writing. But the older I get, the more I am trying not to chase those kinds of highs. I’d much rather have consistency and stability and to write from a more peaceful, reflective place. Inspiration really is everywhere, just like joy and gratitude can be found anywhere. So I don’t have to create drama in my life to have something to say. I can just take a breath and really be present in the moment. There’s always something to write about when I’m paying attention. The discipline is to get better at listening. To be present in the moment and open to the muse. Not to create a situation so intense that the songs write themselves, haha. But sometimes those situations come along, whether we ask for them or not. My last record came from some truly unwanted life chaos. I’m grateful for those songs but I wouldn’t wish the experience on my worst enemy.
What have you missed about touring?
I’m one of those artists who really loves touring. Like, if I wasn’t a musician, I might be a truck driver. I truly enjoy long drives alone in the car. I like being able to stop whenever I want and to listen to audiobooks. I write a lot in the car too. I sing song ideas into my phone. I pull over and write lyrics into my notes app. Something about the autopilot mode your brain goes into on a highway is really conducive to opening up my creative mind.
I also really love people. I love meeting strangers and hearing their stories. I love feeling connected to a crowd and able to deliver music like medicine. When I can tell there’s even one person in the room that it’s making a real difference to, that’s when it all feels worth it. When I feel like I can give my suffering and my life experiences some kind of a purpose, then I get to feel useful in the world. That’s just more of an immediate, visceral thing when I’m physically in the room and filling it with music and emotional conversation. The online version is a nice facsimile that can sometimes come close and I’m glad it exists as an option for people who don’t want to tour and for folks who can’t be there in person to listen. God knows livestreams were a lifeline during the worst of the pandemic. But I much prefer the live version.
How do you manage having a good time at shows, but also trying to stay mentally and physically fit?
Taking care of myself on the road involves all the obvious, boring stuff you have to do more of as an adult in general: I try to take walks and do a little yoga. I try to call my family and friends. I try to make a little time for non-work related hobbies. I try to drink more water and less alcohol. I stay out late sometimes and have fun and then other times I go to bed early, when I have a long drive. I say yes to fast food when I want to and no when I need to. I try to eat just a little better than I used to. And the older I get, the more conscious I am of what a privilege it is to get to travel as much as I do. So I try to appreciate the places I’m in; trying local food, learning local history, etc. I try to really be present with the new people I meet, in the new places I get to visit. Some people save all their lives to be able to travel just a little bit when they retire. I get to travel all the time. And sure, it’s a tough job. But it’s not bricklaying, you know? I don’t work at a warehouse. I get to do the thing I love most in the whole world. I’m profoundly grateful, a lot of the time. More and more, as I get older and take it for granted less than I used to.
Down to the Letter is now available on all streaming services.
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